It also teaches kids that conflict is part of life and not everybody gets along. We don’t want to send the message that they always need someone else to help them deal with their problems. Why is this important? It helps kids to feel competent and successful. We want kids to learn how manage their own conflicts if there isn’t any harm involved. A little graphic but very clear! Parents can utilize this especially among siblings who constantly look for their mom or dad to settle their fights. Tell an adult if someone is bleeding, barfing, bullying or behaving dangerous. Or if you want to simplify tattling versus reporting, I have also seen teachers use in classrooms the 4 B’s of when to tell an adult. Use an I-Message (“I feel_ when you_ can you next time_”).Walk away and find something else to do.Here are some suggestions you can give your child to deal with a problematic social situation: ![]() Most kids get stuck on this and they would rather go to an adult first. If there isn’t any danger or no one is getting hurt, I would prefer a child tell an adult AFTER they have tried two things to solve the problem and it hasn’t worked. Lastly, I tell kids that if it is a problem that adult needs to help you solve. Also, it needs to be reported to an adult if the person intending to hurt you on purpose or you need to keep someone safe. If someone is physically hurt or threatening harm such as bullying, an adult needs to be told right away. So reporting is about letting an adult know if someone’s well being is of concern. Lastly, if the problem can be solved independently it would be considered tattling. Also, it is considered tattling if the behavior was an accident as no one meant harm. not a health emergency or not a lot of people are affected), an adult does not need to get involved. If the issue is considered to be not important (e.g. It is also tattling, if the behavior is not harming anyone even though it may be annoying. What is the difference? You are tattling when you want to get someone in trouble. When working with elementary-aged children, I use the language of reporting versus tattling. So how do we build resiliency and make sure our kids know when to tell an adult without being a social pariah? And there are times when we want our kids to inform adults for behaviors that are physically harmful or threatening such as bullying. But they rarely get the chance to work out conflicts and practice coming up solutions on their own independent of adults. These are great opportunities as they teach children how to work in groups, learn how to follow directions from others, develop teamwork skills etc. Most kids are involved in many community and extra-curricular activities that are facilitated by adults. Through non-structured play, children naturally develop the skills of negotiating, compromising and learn the nuances of social interactions. ![]() ![]() Nowadays, children do not have the same social opportunities to “free-play” as today’s parents once did. Even one study demonstrated that those who were perceived to be tattling were considered less liked by their peers. ![]() You were teased, kids didn’t trust you and they remembered for a long time afterwards that you told an adult. I remember as a kid, if you were called a tattle tale it was the social kiss of death.
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